Four Things I Learned at Forty
I had the most vivid dream recently. My three girlfriends and I were in this epic production on ice. It was the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade meets The Greatest Showman. We made a grand entrance into an arena and then proceeded to skate through various spots in our town.
One of my old managers was applying my makeup, and whatever costume top I had on was busting at the seams and needed fixing — typical. We were the center of attention, the stars. The Today Show was there, and there was some sort of Master of Ceremonies. Let’s be honest; it was probably Ryan Seacrest.
I’m not sure what prompted this dream — probably because it was just the Fourth of July and all of the 40th Birthday celebrations — but more so, I think I was craving the feeling of being young and carefree.
There has been a lot of adulting lately. Talk of babies, bills, aging, and loss. And most recently, discussion of a word that rhymes with Santa Clause. All that to say, it got me thinking about what I’ve learned this year; here are the highlights.
No one has it all figured out.
I remember looking at managers when I was younger and thinking they must have trained for this. Looking at leadership roles as if they had all the answers, were always correct, and knew everything there was to know about the positions under them.
I was sure people who decided to have kids knew exactly how to raise them, and people who chose to get married were all a thousand percent sure it was the right decision.
It turns out everyone is making it up as they go. Suddenly I realized I had all these years of life and work experience behind me, and that’s how you contribute. You continue to ask questions and learn and grow — but you rest assured knowing that others are in the same boat as you. Everyone does the best they can with the information they have available to them; no one has all the answers.
Roll with the punches.
Admittedly, I’ve wasted way too much of my time worrying. One of my favorite quotes from none other than NCIS is, “Worry’s a bully. It gives you nothing. It only takes.” I’ve learned to try to accept what is. Worrying about things that haven’t happened, or might happen, or happened in the past, or even are happening, is just robbing you of the present moment.
I have a couple of friends who simply don’t worry. They just aren’t wired that way, and it floors me! Can you imagine? And then I got to thinking — what a better way to live. While this is easier said than done, I make it a daily effort. I educate myself, try to make good choices, and do my best to prevent bad things from happening. I make plans and goals, and if something interferes, I address it and pivot as best I can.
I look at others who have dealt with more than their share of the inevitable blows life throws with such strength and grace. It reminds me how eternally grateful I am for all I have and to let go of the things I can’t control.
Write your own story.
It’s so important not to compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own path, and no two look alike. At the end of the day, I’m the happiest when I’m following my heart, doing things, and making decisions because I want to. Not because others are or because society says so.
I’m a big proponent of — if you don’t like something, change it. My only regret is that I didn’t make some of my life changes earlier than I did. While there is so much out of our control, I’m taking a firmer hold of things that are.
My life looks nothing like anyone else’s, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, there are still things I’m working toward, but I am confident I’m on the right path and exactly where I’m meant to be at this moment.
Remember to live.
Sadly, I often need to remind myself of this. I get so caught up in projects, chores, and to-do’s — I have to force myself to get out there and experience the world and the people in it. Being social should not be the task I make it out to be, and this is something I continue to work on.
I’ve learned to prioritize small luxuries, travel, and new experiences — pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I tend to retreat into my cozy little routine and don’t want to look back on my life thinking I played it safe. I want to take more chances and create more stories to tell.
The moral of this story is that nothing is stopping us from being the glamorous girls in my dream. While life looks different than it used to, we’re all just kids at heart — big kids with some even bigger life lessons under our belt. Ask anyone post forty about getting older; they’ll all say they still think they’re in their twenties. Age is just a number.
So don’t underestimate yourself, don’t let worry consume you, don’t compare yourself to others, and don’t forget to live. Be yourself and be in the moment. Here’s to roaring soundtracks, sparkly costumes, bright lights, and living a life you love. Here’s to forty.
