This is Thirty-Nine

“The formula of happiness and success is just being actually yourself, in the most vivid possible way you can.” -Meryl Streep

To think that I’m going to be forty years old this year is un-freaking-believable. FORTY. Like, forty. And in this thirty-ninth year of my life, I’ve decided to put an emphasis on creating a life I love. Continuously making decisions, and changes, instead of coasting along on a path that no longer suits me.

I had never been one of those people who planned out their life. I had goals, sure — but I didn’t have that five-year or ten-year plan. I never really pictured marriage or kids, and I suppose I just figured things would unfold naturally.

I had lived in the city since college. Not only because that’s where the jobs were, but I also kind of felt like I had to. And while I had plenty of great experiences and met a lot of wonderful people, I always felt pulled toward home.

At the onset of COVID, when it looked like we were going to be working from home for a while, I was able to come to my tiny hometown to work remotely. It was honestly everything I’d always wanted. One of my friends told me that I had manifested my own Hallmark movie come to life. Girl leaves city, girl decides to stay in small town, etc. Although that was when I was actually dating someone… but whatever, you get the gist.

I had no desire to return to the city or life in an office, and couldn’t foresee that changing. Being able to be with my parents and pets every day made me feel whole. I knew in my heart this was where I wanted and needed to be. Weeks turned into months which turned into a year, and at that point — I quit my job, searched for a new fully remote one, and decided to stay.

Never once have I regretted my decision. I love working remotely and being surrounded by my family. I love taking a morning walk in the woods with our dog and having our cat snoozing next to me during the day. Mom has dinner ready for me when I’m done with work and Dad and I goof around like the giant kids we are. I might be oddly tight with my parents, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I also feel like I need to be here for them. While it’s difficult to watch them age and deal with the inevitable issues that arise, I’m obviously so incredibly grateful for it. Even though I’m sure my Dad would tell you that I’m a helicopter daughter, I feel better being here and helping; not having to worry from hours away.

After I had been working at home for a while, I decided it was time to rent out my cute little townhouse in the city. Packing it up was a feat, and I knew at that point I wasn’t ready to sell. Fast forward 18 months later, and we closed on the sale of my sweet little house this month. Deciding to sell wasn’t an easy one. Practically it made sense, but emotionally — that was the place my kitty and I called home for over a decade.

My main motivation for selling is my next endeavor — constructing what will be known as my Carriage House or my Cottage in my Dad’s backyard. As much as I love our home and my childhood bedroom — let’s be honest, we need our space! Dreaming up a tiny house of my very own making has been one of my main projects this last year and fingers crossed, it will hopefully come to fruition soon!

I won’t lie, choosing a more, unconventional path for your life can be a bit isolating. It’s a good thing that I’m already a loner by nature! Being both an only child of divorced parents, and a single lady can make it difficult to relate to the lives of those around me. My friends all have significant others and families of their own. And the older I get, the more I shy away from social engagements; I’m long past the bar scene and dating apps are my nemesis.

While I don’t miss living in the city, I still try to make an effort to visit every once in a while. I need to make sure those anti-social tendencies don’t take total control of my life. I venture out to see my friends, eat the food I can’t get in my tiny town, go to Trader Joe’s and Target, get my fix of culture, oh and eat the food. Man, I miss sushi.

I want to keep travel and exploration a mainstay in my life. Next up is a girl’s weekend in wine country for that milestone birthday later this year. After that, we’ll see! Being able to have my comfortable little home base and also take off on adventures every so often gives me the best of both worlds.

So, this is my thirty-nine. As they say — the only constant in life is change. Well, I’m trying to embrace it. To be content in the comfort of my life. Count my blessings, live in the moment, be excited about the future, and not fear or worry about what may or may not happen in chapters down the road.

To quote one of my favorite rom-coms, The Holiday: “You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for God’s sake!”

And as the past couple of years have constantly reminded us — life is short. So follow your heart; splurge, spoil, live and love the way you want to. Cheers to creating a life you love.